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Post by night on Apr 25, 2008 18:16:59 GMT -5
WOW THAT STORY WAS REALLY SHORT...
im sorry XD;;
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Post by night on Apr 27, 2008 21:51:35 GMT -5
this is true, I cant argue with this. In fact it kept my attention quite well!
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Post by night on Apr 27, 2008 23:14:49 GMT -5
ok time for a real post.
wow taro that was....very dramatic, i really did enjoy reading that and part of me really wants to draw that part when you describe how he looked like a murderous raccoon. I dont know why but that image stands out in my mind really well
over all thanks for posting the actual story XD it was very well done and I enjoyed it
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Post by night on Apr 27, 2008 23:24:26 GMT -5
I know it wasnt supposed to be funny and in all hoensty I want to just draw that scene cause I could see it in my mind...heh maybe I will!.......maybe
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Post by animeg on Apr 28, 2008 10:37:53 GMT -5
Wow Taro, I'll have to agree with Night on this. That was very dramatic! xD Seriously though, I really liked the whole battlefield scenery you chose for this story, it was so sad what Taro had to go through just to save lives... Poor Husky... didn't make it. D8> I also liked how you described Taro's abilities when he was using them, I can see it happening in my head! So... that's good! :D
The only issue I have with this story is... well... it's too short, dang it! xD But it was just to describe that one scene so I'll let that slide. For now. >8' Lmfao, I'm kidding. It's still a good story and it was able to keep my interest through the whole thing but the another issue is that I feel as if the sentences were a bit choppy. Like the beginning;
Taro ran to the side of a fallen comrade, blood was pouring out of his mouth and chest. [END] His eyes were focused on the cat’s injuries. [END] Taro shut his eyes and then reopened them, activating his ability to see wounds. [END] A red aura surrounded the anthro cat’s chest and head. [END] Just as he was about to start healing his comrade, an explosion crashed through the battlefield.[END] Taro was...etc etc
You see what I mean? I think you could add a little more into your sentences. I'm not saying that you have a bad writing skills, hell, I think you got talent! Like I said before, I liked how you described Taro's power, I also liked how you described the blood too especially the part where it says it was as dark as black ink. *is so morbid xDD* But yeah, other then that, good job Taro! Write MOAR stories plz. :B
................. *giggles* Murderous raccoon... I'm sorry, I know that was supposed to be serious but...like Night... I am greatly amused by that line. xD And surprisedly, I can see it so well in my head too!
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Post by momaru on Apr 28, 2008 17:16:16 GMT -5
Hmm good imagery and the use of pathos to make your reader feel something from your story. It made me think what would I do in this situation? I'd like to say that Momaru would be the Kiriko to your Black Jack here (look up the Black Jack anime if you wanna understand what I mean). It's more than a little black but... I know Momaru would have killed the Husky. Momaru would have decided to end his suffering rather than try to save someone he couldn't. A quick painless death is always better than a slow painful one. * Takes one look at the poor guy* You are beyond saving, but I can kill you quickly and end your suffering. What do you choose?
However, if Momaru did have your powers he would of at least tried to save the husky, but he would have tried to save the more injured one first ( the husky) and the less injured one ( the cat) second. Thats the order of operations to try and do what you can for both of them. Heal what you can to stabilize each of them so they can make it out and get better treatment later. At least, that's what Momaru would have done in your shoes.
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Post by animeg on Apr 29, 2008 23:12:14 GMT -5
Hmm good imagery and the use of pathos to make your reader feel something from your story. It made me think what would I do in this situation? I'd like to say that Momaru would be the Kiriko to your Black Jack here (look up the Black Jack anime if you wanna understand what I mean). It's more than a little black but... I know Momaru would have killed the Husky. Momaru would have decided to end his suffering rather than try to save someone he couldn't. A quick painless death is always better than a slow painful one. * Takes one look at the poor guy* You are beyond saving, but I can kill you quickly and end your suffering. What do you choose? However, if Momaru did have your powers he would of at least tried to save the husky, but he would have tried to save the more injured one first ( the husky) and the less injured one ( the cat) second. Thats the order of operations to try and do what you can for both of them. Heal what you can to stabilize each of them so they can make it out and get better treatment later. At least, that's what Momaru would have done in your shoes.
.......................
.............
*raises brow* Who asked you? I'm sorry but that kind of thing annoys me because... *looks at the story* Let's answer a few simple questions. Now WHOSE story this is taking place? Oh yeah, through Taro's eyes!
GASP!!!! 8U!!!!
Man, that's a disappointment for ya, huh?
Ok, ok, seriously now, this is what Taro would've done, NOT what Momaru would've done so... uhm... I suggest you comment/critique the story itself rather then spending the time to talk about what your character would've done, especially when the eon power is not even yours in the first place. It was pretty obvious that you didn't understand the fundamental and the limits of Taro's power
*directs paws to the nearest exit* Class dismiss.
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Post by drakkensheild on Jun 7, 2008 2:30:54 GMT -5
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